Sunday, April 23, 2017


"There was a time when we were milk and honey
a time before we found out rocks and metal
the gods descending in between our veins
rupturing our heart of earthly glass
sliding towards the bottom of a glass of wine
our demons horns hiding as we sink

It's true, the things they say about the end
in falling prey to towers of molten sand and steel
in furnaces all things are made the same
scorched and blazed into the tender fold of dust"

An old poem I wrote with a friend I recently rediscovered. I suppose I'll start posting on here again. Maybe attempt to squeeze some creative juices out of the ol' noggin.

Peace to you!

An old

Friday, July 3, 2015


Today, I caught a momentary glimpse of hope and humility. I am a being built upon a foundation of pride and resentment. That is neither natural nor right. I am in dire need of some entity that is both perfect and infinitely higher than myself. God the Father is of an incomparably higher status than I am to a cockroach. The level to which he humbled his son is utterly unfathomable. Without him I am lost. God have mercy upon me.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

I'm not sure

I listened to a song that reminded me of you. Perfectly intertwined. What it felt like to be with you. The way you sent a flurry of feelings, thoughts, and cosmic beauty twirling into motion as if you had figured out the secret to harnessing life itself. I miss you.  I am reminded of the lyrics "'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all". They ring very much true to me. Better a deep set sense of loss than the disturbing veil numbness creates. Feelings are what motivate us, without them we are simply animals driveling in a sickly state of hedonism. Of course I wish that loss had never taken place, yet, we go and we do, and at the end of the day, we are always held responsible.

So here we are. You have jolted me into a state of awakened feeling. I miss you. I thank you, and I still love you. If creatures like me are still capable of such a grand endeavor. Best wishes forever.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Pragmatic Speech

Writing in order to express all your thoughts, ideas, and feelings is easy. You have all the time you need to think and fluidly describe your topic. You are able to create the entire context, categorically organize your thoughts, and order them.  You have the ability to edit and adjust what you say as needed. In addition, you also have the floor. You possess the reader's full attention without interruption or distraction. This allows you to be as clear and concise as linguistically possible. Writing is the simplest way to communicate.

Sadly, I can't write all day. The reality is that I'm not able to write everything I want to say to people in my daily life. Speech is difficult for me. I have trouble thinking of what I want to say in a timely and contextual manner, and usually before I have time to say what I actually think, the subject is changed. People get bored or feel awkward. This leads to miscommunication. I am only partially able say what I really think, and usually feel too much pressure to think clearly at all anyways. What I say gets taken out of context, and understood differently from my truthful intention. I end up misunderstood, simply from being socially deficient.

I need to improve the way I communicate. I must learn how to speak more pragmatically. I have to teach myself how to gather my thoughts quicker, listen from the other point of view, and use the least amount of words possible to make myself known. I will have to pay attention to social que's and contexts, while also being aware of what the other person means, too. I usually shy away from speaking at all, but I am sick of just being a slab of meat with seemingly no opinions or thoughts, while in fact I have thousands. I am now at the point where I don't care what others think of my opinions, so now I just have to try and make my opinions known. Practice makes perfect. I can't wait!

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Drivers Ed

Yesterday, I attended a drivers education class that was taught by a cop. I enjoyed the class somewhat, aside from the unnecessarily gruesome videos that were aimed at deterring us from speeding and not wearing our seatbelts.

The cop talked about how the federal government has recently stopped funding state law enforcement agencies, and how they must now make their own money. He   told us that a key money making strategy for the police was by fining motorists who did not use their turn signal while making a turn. Yeah, he flat out stated that making money was the chief motivation for writing tickets to people who forgot to use their signal. Wow. He later attacked drug dealers, saying that their chief concern is making money at the expense of others. I sense a bit of a contradiction... The legal system needs a serious underhaul. Police should be concerned with the safety of citizens, not making a pretty penny off of them...

Craziness. But,
It was a beautiful day today, and I am very happy.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The American Dream

"We hold these truths to be sacred & undeniable; that all men are created equal & independant, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent & inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, & liberty, & the pursuit of happiness; ..."
- Thomas Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence

The good ol' American Dream. What exactly are we referring to, when we talk about the American Dream? According to our founding fathers, the American Dream was "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" . They had longed for a land where these certain unalienable rights were protected for all men, who are created equal. That all seems pretty clear, but as for what constitutes this so called pursuit of happiness, is something that is not quite as clear.

So, how does one go about making use of these freedoms which are given them, inside of this United Nation? Well, it all depends on who you ask. I am sure that every American has his own unique perspective on the actual meaning of this American Dream. It seems, though, that most Americans would agree on the fact that the accumulation of wealth, as well as a general sense of financial security are some fairly significant staples to the pursuit of happiness.

Based on these financial goals, a way of categorizing people based on their level of accomplishment has arisen in the form of classes. Namely, "lower, middle, and upper class". Each class divides people based on income, job, and social status. Upper class is, of course, the most desirable of the three, since it consists of those with the highest financial security and the best social standing. In contrast, the lower class is the class that is to be avoided, because it is the lowest on the spectrum of happiness. The lower class is unable to properly afford what is needed to ensure comfort, therefore compromising happiness. Most Americans are part of the middle class, which is neither desired or avoided as much as the upper and lower classes.

The use of these classes effectively stereotypes and seperates people, those who are idolized from those who are looked down upon. In addition to wealth, there are other, often unspoken, conditions that should be met, to at the very least, increase social standing. College attendance, bank accounts, career status, physical appearance, social security, 401k, technological advancement, celebrity news, etc. are all necessary to ensure completeness.

Not very supportive to the idea that all men are created equal, huh? What we have is an unclear dream based upon consumerism, a societal fantasy that worships the ownership of paper, possessions, and politics. It's evolved into nothing more than an advertisement. In other words, the American Dream is the pursuit of happiness, and happiness is simply measured by ownership and appearance. It is an insatiable dream, a greedy dream.

When you hear the words "American Dream", what do you picture in your head? A person who grows up in a supportive, financially secure family? Who goes to a nice university and graduates to a high grade salary career? Who gets married and has a family, and goes to church, and attends family reunions and owns all the latest electronics and nice expensive cars? And works a 9 to 5 job, and comes home to sit down in front of the Television to eat dinner and relax? Who works everyday, filling the bank account, until one day, when they are old and tired, they retire so that they can support their children to live the exact same way? Who dies happily, surrounded by a rich family, and lots of money in the bank? If that's what you think of when you hear the word American Dream, then congratulations, you just watched an advertisement play out in your head.

I think it's time we admitted to this meaningless dream, and realize that money and power cannot buy happiness.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


"Two hands clasped for an infinite time
and never have I ever felt this warm
with your hand melted into the palm of mine

You've tracked up the stretching white
two pairs, side by side, in the light
two mouths molded together
turned by smiles of snowdream delight

that's what I dream in my mind

Southern snow snowmen rolled into view
I'll never forget the way the ice looked at you
while you packed each flake whichever way it would go

whether or not at that time did I know:
that all of my dreams
would melt with the snow

But my love for you,
it will only grow."

For R.K.L.H.
With much Love.

Celestial Solitude

        We are all together, all part of this giant cosmos in the universe, called humanity. Each one of us radiates outwardly, some of us shining bright, others collapsing and burning out. We all have the power to make up something greater. Some higher purpose, aligning together to form the constellations of the heavens. We can see eachother, all the millions of us shining out, but we cannot touch one another. Actually, we can't even come close. We are all tragically separated by billions and trillions of miles of empty space. We may feel as though we are not alone. We may feel that we are all one massive cascading unit, which we are in a way, but the reality is that we are all suspended seperately in the sheer blackness of space, and all that we have is our own light. We are all distant and lonely. We are, every last one of us, stars of insurmountable solitude.

Monday, August 5, 2013


"Ghostfriends float through February, faded, fallen
Colder winds through our hearts, faded, fallen
Skin melts back to reveal naught but black
within us all, withering the soul, breathe the pollen
Our life culminates within a crack, faded, fallen
Allergic to the dust, beings reek of reddish rust
We are the Ghostfriends, see us but we're not here
'cause we have so much fucking fear, the lights
they're on, but no one's home
You could say that we lost our hands, we can't
'Cause we're the Ghostfriends and we aren't

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Common as the Sun

    The deceptively gradual sinking of this generation's faded capacity for anything of relevance, beyond one's self, is gaining speed and acuity. A degredation of "higher thought" is quickly developing popularity, and with it, tumbles many other essential anthropological "terms". The capacity for art and the beautifully basic human urge to further everything we know, rationalize, and interact with, is being dropped, as if it were a white-hot iron. Instead of wanting to become or to create, we claw and scream for any miniscule drop of carnal pleasure we can soak up with our ravenous sponge. We forsake ourselves in a disturbingly self centered race for whatever makes us "feel the best". Instead of striving to add onto this one, single planet of which we inhabit, we kill one another, and ourselves, in an attempt to reach a pale and sickly state of faux nirvana. We drink ourselves into disgusting states of idiocy, and we are consumed by lusts and fucks. We talk about love as if it were as common as the sun, but we have never seen the sun. Our society blurs into a mixture of lies, addictions, hates, and stupidity in a vile obsession with gaining control of our own pleasure.
    So, our future is bleak. What should we do? How can we save ourselves? I would say it is too late. We are all caught in the sinking sand of our own lazy and addicted sponge. There is no hope, there is no escape. Who cares, though? 'Cause I feel alright.